The Only Thing I Regret Is Letting Myself Love You More Than I Loved Myself

I don’t regret knowing you, I regret allowing you to destroy me.

How can I regret loving you when you were the person I loved so much. You were the first person for whom my heart beat like crazy and my eyes glowed with love and excitement. You were the one who made my body tremble whenever I looked into your eyes or felt your touch on my skin.

You were my desire, my obsession, my sunshine. You were all I wanted in my life. You were my everything.

You were aware of all this and you still decided to throw it away. It didn’t bother you that all the things you were doing would hurt me badly because all you ever thought about was you.

I don’t regret choosing you, I regret forgetting myself.

I chose you because I loved you from the bottom of my heart. My soul, my mind, and my body belonged to you.

So, how can I regret loving you when you inspired feelings in me that I never thought I’d be able to feel. How can I regret my love for you when it was you who made me look at the world from a different perspective. Yeah, you made me feel special so many times but I had to pay the price for it. That cost me my mental health. I forgot that I had dreams and goals to achieve. It also cost me my friends because while I was devoting my time to you solely I forgot about them.

I regret believing I was your biggest priority.

I believed I was your priority just because you were mine. But this wasn’t true. I devoted all my love, energy and time to make you content and complete. I was careful not to do anything that could hurt your feelings because that would hurt me too.

Yet, everything was more important to you than me. Spending time with your friends or watching sports on tv was always more interesting and important than me. You only noticed me if you needed advice or support.

Maybe destiny wasn’t on our side or you were too afraid to commit. Yet, you didn’t know how to value my love and kindness.

You wanted the best things in life just for you.

Now I know that it was me who was the best thing in your life. I was the one who could make a big difference in your life. When you lost me, you lost everything. You lost the opportunity to know what it feels like when you’re truly and honestly loved.

I regret allowing you to break my heart.

I don’t regret letting you be a part of my life. I regret letting you break my heart into tiny pieces and believing you that you loved me. I let you break my heart with your indifference and cruel words and deeds. I regret putting all your needs before mine without hearing you ask me how I felt or what I needed.

I sacrificed many things for you. You made me feel insecure about myself. You made me believe I wasn’t worthy and good enough for you.

Despite all this, I never stopped hoping that you’d change and see my real worth. But my wish never came true.

I don’t regret losing so many things, because I became a lot stronger.

The way you treated me taught me many lessons, and what I learned really made me stronger. I loved and respected you honestly but you decided to throw all that away and hurt me. You left innumerable scars on my soul and mind.

Yet, all this made me become the person I’m today – a tough, brave, resourceful and resilient woman. I know who I am. I know what I want. I’ m aware of my value and I won’t let anyone diminish it. I act in accordance with my own moral and social principals without allowing anyone to destroy them.

I know that I deserve to find someone who will love and treat me like I deserve, and I won’t settle for anything less than that.

“The heart gets confused when it’s constantly told I love you by the same person who destroys it.” – r.h. Sin

Image: Alberto Monteraz