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All relationships are full of joy and excitement at the beginning. When these colorful phases are passed, couples begin to express their personality traits, opinions, and differences, and also become aware of the different ideas, needs and wishes of their partner.
That’s the phase when couples start arguing. Arguing can be really tough and make both partners feel frustrated. However, psychiatrists say that arguing is healthy, can contribute to any relationship, and it’s a sign that couples love each other more.
If couples argue, that doesn’t mean their relationship is experiencing problems or serious crises. By arguing, couples can express their feelings, ideas, and points of view. Yet, no matter if they agree or disagree with their partner’s opinions, they have to learn how to respect and value them.
This means that couples need to be careful about the way they get into an argument because an unreasonable, and even violent one can be counterproductive. In connection to this, Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, says that an effective arguing requires skills. In what follows there is a list of five of his suggestions that he’s made:
-Don’t insist that you’re right
– Talk about the things that make you angry the moment you feel them
– Listen to your partner
– Focus on the main topic you’re arguing about
– Don’t say something that you can regret later
Why do couples who argue actually love each other more?
As I’ve already said, arguing doesn’t indicate that a relationship is having problems or is falling apart. By arguing couples can share and discuss their different opinions with each other in an appropriate manner.
Not arguing, on the other hand, can be a problem. If both partners don’t want to talk about their feelings and ideas, this can mean that they are less engaged in the relationship. Not arguing can even bring about tensions in a relationship.
Dr. Stephanie Sarkis suggests that arguing is an important factor in a happy and healthy relationship. However, she explains that couples should argue, i.e. express their ideas and opinions, without fighting or behaving aggressively. She also remarks that there’s nothing wrong if someone agrees to disagree and sticks to their own opinion.
Both partners in a relationship want their feelings and ideas to be heard and accepted. So, when couples are arguing, they’re trying to achieve exactly the same thing. Yet, the way couples are getting into arguments is very important. Beneficial and effective arguing can be achieved if couples carefully listen to each other, value and show respect for each other’s opinions.
Arguing and angry fighting are totally two different things. One needs to understand what things are essential for them to argue and discard the less important ones. If couples refuse to talk about their opinions, it doesn’t mean that their relationship will be healthier. If one of the partners suppresses their feelings and opinions and accepts and values only the ideas of the other one, can end up feeling hurt and inferior to their partner.
Dr. Pam Spur also talks about arguing, more precisely, bickering. He suggests that arguing can reveal a lot about relationships. Wise couples use bickering as a form of showing that they care about each other’s feelings and opinions even if while doing it they’re annoyed at their partner. Bickering can be beneficial to both partners.
Finally, we can all agree that we wouldn’t like to hurt the person we love. Reasonably sharing our ideas, and showing love, trust, respect and willingness to compromise with our partner’s different opinions is what makes any relationship strong and healthy.
