When you’re in a relationship, it’s okay if you are dependent up to an extent on someone. The real problem arises when you become codependent. Codependent people are those who form an unhealthy, one-sided and emotionally destructive relationship. The codependent partner sacrifices their needs and wants so as to meet the needs of their significant other.
A codependent person has very strong emotional needs which most certainly originate in their childhood. This happens when a child doesn’t get enough of their parents’ attention or if one or both of the parents have alcohol or drug addiction.
Similarly, a codependent person can help to create another person’s alcoholism, drug or any other destructive addiction.
A codependent relationship can have a damaging effect on your mental health and emotional well-being. It can sap your energy and strength.
If you have doubts about whether you’re in a codependent relationship, make sure you pay more attention to the way you behave towards your partner.
So, if you happen to notice the following 7 signs of your behavior in your relationship, take this as a warning that you should change your behavior.
Here they are:
1. You think you can fix your partner.
Codependent people believe that they can fix their partner’s behavior. So, if you’re putting in too much effort in trying to change your partner or help him get rid of their bad habits, it can be a clear sign that you’re codependent. Instead of focusing on changing your partner’s character and habits and solving their problems, try to concentrate on your own feelings, needs, and problems.
2. You’re affected by your partner’s mood.
If the way your partner feels has a deep influence on you, it means that you’re highly sensitive to their feelings. No matter if they’re happy and content or hurt and depressed, you will feel all this on your skin.
Yet, don’t forget that it can be really difficult to change the way your partner feels, but you still have control over your own emotions and reactions to their emotional state.
3. You comply with everything your partner says or does.
Taking your partner’s need and wishes into consideration is good. But, if you’re constantly putting their needs before yours, you’ll forget living your life. If you want to have a meaningful and complete life, you have to accomplish your needs first and then focus on those of your partner.
4. You often need your partner’s approval.
If you’re a codependent person, you’ll never be the decision-maker in your relationship. This means that you often ask for your partner’s permission to do even the simplest things. The main reason for this is that you lack self-confidence.
Additionally, if you’re in a codependent relationship, you’ll gradually start having doubts about your worth and your ability to make simple decisions. If you allow your partner to have control over your actions, you can easily lose your integrity. So, instead of relying on your partner’s approval all the time, make sure you find the strength and confidence within yourself so that you can stand your ground and act on your own.
5. Your partner behaves in an abusive way.
Probably the most obvious sign that you’re in a codependent relationship is if your partner constantly engages in an unhealthy and/or abusive behavior. For example, they can drink heavily or binge eat. You know that you’re codependent if you don’t do anything to stop them from doing that or you start doing the same things.
Moreover, another sign of your codependency is that you’re willing to put up with the unfair way your partner treats you. For example, they can intimidate you and put limits on the things you can do and your friendships with other people.
6. You are afraid that your partner will leave you.
It’s very common for codependent people to feel insecure about their partners. So, if you fall into this category, you’ll often worry that your partner will end the relationship, find another person better than you or lose interest in you. You will also constantly need to be assured that your partner won’t leave you.
All these thoughts can exhaust and upset you. Maybe you should start believing him more.
7. But are you ready to do the same thing?
If you’re in a codependent relationship, you know that your partner has bad and unhealthy habits and emotional outbursts. One thing that will cross your mind sooner or later is leaving your partner. Being in a relationship with such a person is difficult and living without them sounds like a much better option.
Yet, if you’re a codependent person, you strongly rely on your partner and chances are that you will never make up your mind to leave them for good.
“You cannot save people, you can only love them.” Anais Nin